Long distance relationship in medical school – how to survive

Moving to Grenada has not been easy. Aside from the day to day struggles of living on an island, the other big challenge is trying to manage a long distance relationship in medical school. I miss my husband so much and it doesn’t get easier the longer I’m here. In fact, it just makes me want to go home even more. Here are some things that are helping make the distance more bearable.

Daily phone calls

A big part of any relationship, not just a long distance relationship in medical school, is communication. So I try to call everyday, sometimes multiple times a day. I really don’t like texting. Actually, my husband and I don’t text each other much. We mostly use it to send each other funny videos. And it’s mostly me sending funny dog videos during study breaks. But we do love talking on the phone. There’s just something comforting about hearing each other’s voice.

We try to call every evening, even if it’s just for a few minutes. I think there have only been a few times we didn’t talk because he still wasn’t home and I had gone to bed at 9.

Our daily phone calls is one way of trying to maintain the routine we had while I was home. He’d be at work all day and I’d be studying. So the evenings were our time together when we’d have dinner and just catch up.

Sharing the gossip

More than just checking in, I try to share what’s been going on with me and around me. It’s mostly funny or interesting observations. New couples I noticed in class, who I met while getting groceries, which classmates are going home during the long weekend, which classmates look like they’re stressed out because they partied one too many times when they probably should have been studying. It’s funny because my husband hasn’t met any of my classmates. He briefly met a few people when he helped me move to the island. So he only knows people based on the prior stories I’ve told about them.

The more fun part is when he’ll tell me what’s been going on at home. How his work is, who’s moving, and recently – who’s getting married. He’s been invited to a wedding and I can’t go. Sigh. I don’t even like the people but I want the opportunity to get dressed up for something. It’s been too long.

Sharing the details of what’s going on around us makes it feel like we’re still a part of each other’s day. And especially for me, I feel like I’m still connected to the people at home. Even though it’s just tidbits of info. Also, it’s something to chat about outside of school, which I don’t really like to talk about for too long. After being in school and/or studying all day, the last thing I want is to spend my few free moments talking about school.

Sharing pictures and videos

I also try to share pictures and videos of the beautiful places I come across. In the first couple weeks of the term, I was mostly sharing videos of the campus. It’s a really big campus and there are a lot of stunning views. Especially in the open study spaces. So in the early days, I’d keep finding new areas and want to share them. One time, I came to class and there were goats on one of the steep hills next to the lecture hall so he got a video of that.

Now that I’ve discovered most of the campus views, there are fewer videos of that. Sometimes, I’ll just send more boring stuff. For example, there was a nasty rainstorm about a week ago. I was in the open study area and the white boards were flying all over the place so I tried to capture that. And recently, I tried a new restaurant with my friends. It was right on the dock and the views were gorgeous. It’s just another way to share part of my day and make it feel like we’re together.

Having a meal together

Recently, we’ve started to video call during meal times, if he’s home early in the evening or leaving later in the morning on the weekends. We’ll put our phones on the kitchen counter and talk as we’re prepping our dinners or breakfast. It’s been really nice having that meal time together. That was part of our routine anyway. He’d get home and I’d make dinner and then he’d help me clean up, or just wash all the dishes himself. On the weekends, he’d help me make breakfast. I usually had him on omelette duty. All the phone and video calls and picture sharing in the world can’t replace the real thing. But I’ll take whatever I can get right now.

So those are some things that are helping make my long distance relationship in medical school feel a little less long distance.

Have you had a long distance relationship? What helped you?

-M

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